HOW DO YOU GET OVER PORN?
Jeremy Wiles | Published: August 28, 2022 (Modified: May 15, 2023)
If you have struggled with pornography, then you’ve likely already asked yourself that question. You may even understand the mental, emotional and spiritual toll it is taking on your life. You know the stress it puts on your marriage, relationships with family and friends, your job, and every area of your life.
Related Article: How Viewing Porn Is Wounding Your Wife & Hurting Your Family
Your desire is to be free of porn’s tightening grip. You have probably even tried a few times to quit viewing it. It is relentless. You keep going back to your computer, isolated in your private fantasy world, and overwhelmed by the shame of your addiction.
However, you are not the only one caught in this trap. Millions of people around the world view porn. Likewise, you are not the only Christian. Studies have found that about 68% of church-going men say they have struggled with pornography.
But no matter how many other people consume porn, you know that Jesus said sexually desiring any woman other than your wife is adultery. You need and want to finally get victory over porn once and for all.
Trying Harder Doesn’t Work
If you think you can overcome your porn addiction by simply using your willpower and trying harder, you will be wasting your time. If that were all it took, you would have been free by now.
You may have told God you were sorry many times. But, no matter how hard you’ve tried, you always slipped back. Without leaning on God and truly being repentant, you are trusting your own abilities, and that will not be successful.
Dale Partridge, the Founder of Relearn Church, wrote,
“There’s a difference between the man who walks a hundred miles, slips into a mud puddle, gets up, wipes the mud off his clothes and continues moving forward; and the man who walks a hundred miles, slips into a mud puddle, pulls out his beach towel, stays at the mud puddle, and willingly jumps back into the mud over and over again.”
God’s Grace
God's gift of grace is unmerited, cannot be earned, and is full of unending goodness.
God has already provided the answer to your problem, and it’s always available to you – his grace. He gives it freely out of love to those who have no reason to expect divine favor. His gift is unmerited, cannot be earned, and is full of unending goodness. A gift is not a gift though, until it is received.
As Phillip Holmes, the Director of Communications at the Reformed Theological Seminary, explains,
“He’s not ignorant of all the ways we’ve sinned against him. He knows everything we’ve ever done and is able to stomach it. His knowledge of who we really are will never hinder his love for us. He’s even aware of the evil behind our righteous deeds. The intimacy by which the Lord knows us but is able to lovingly embrace us as his children is supernatural. God’s grace is mind-blowing.”
And, yes, his grace covers all sin – including pornography viewing. Your shame may make you think you are unlovable and not worthy of grace and forgiveness, but that is not how God sees you.
Your Brain On Porn
Your brain is a contributing factor to your struggle with porn. Scientists have proven that the chemicals and neurological workings of your brain have a major impact on addiction.
Dr. Tim Jennings, M.D. FAPA, the author of The God-Shaped Brain, said,
“It’s kind of like walking in a path through the field. You walk that path over and over again. It gets beaten down, and it’s easy to find that path, and it’s easy to go down that path or that trail. And in any type of behavior, whether it’s an addictive behavior or just a habit pattern, we will create trails in our brain that are just going to fire on an automatic sequence. And when we go to change behavior, we’ll be fighting against those old behaviors that are previously established.”
Dr. Ted Roberts is the founder of Pure Desire Ministries and host of the Conquer Series – a cinematic small group study helping men find freedom from pornography.
Dr. Roberts said, “Oxytocin and vasopressin are bonding hormones in your brain. God designed oxytocin to bond moms and babies together. He also uses it to bond husbands and wives when they’re skin-to-skin, but there’s where it really gets dangerous. When you’re watching porn, the same neurochemicals are present. At the moment of sexual release, your brain is flooded with these same hormones. That means you’ll become bonded with whatever you’re engaged with during those moments of release. Now that’s how you become enslaved to porn.”
Small Group, Big Power
Trying to do this alone greatly reduces the potential of you overcoming pornography. Therefore, it is essential to get involved with a small group of godly men who are going through the Conquer Series. Here you’ll find guidance and encouragement. They will help you follow a biblical process that they have each personally experienced.
There is strength in numbers.
As Dr. Roberts noted, “Because you were wounded in community, you need to be healed in community.”
Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist Mike Newman noted, “The basics of a recovery plan from porn addiction include reducing environmental temptation, enlisting support and relationally connecting to God.” Mark Brouwer, the author and Director of 90 Days to Sexual Sanity, wrote,
“Accountability works when it is built around a process—a structure—not a single person who might or might not be there when you need them. Sexual strugglers need groups to support them, a program of recovery to change them, and friends to accept and love them.”
“There is hope,” wrote Brett Butcher for Campus Crusade for Christ International. “You can find lasting freedom. But you won’t find it alone, just you and Jesus. Breaking isolation and learning to ask for help – that’s where trust is built and freedom is found.”
This published article can be found here.
Pastor Ron recommends the Conqueror Series.